A Thosand Love Mishapps

“Sam”…I heard my name,but I didnt want to answer. “Sam” the voice calls again, I refuse to stir. “what the heck naa?!” I thought . I wasnt ready to budge.
“Samuel” the hand gently touched me. I opened my eyes, fully prepared to bitch slap someone. In one swift movement I turned to dish the slap. I froze. I looked up to see Dre, or should I say Mr. Dare Oshinowa, my friend, work colleague….and well,my. “Oh…um…Hi?…” I said still having that what-heck-are-you-doing-here expression on my face.
“What the heck are you doing here?!” he asked me,like the guy was using my thoughts against me.
“Bu…I, what are you…Im…”
“Shit, Sam, are you drunk !?”
“What?” I say gruggily”No man. Do I look drunk to you?” I defended. “And what are you doing in my house?” I asked him, frowning a little.
“Really?” Dre chuckled ” The question is,what are you doing in my office,on my couch?”
“Wha…!” I looked around. Crap! I was actually in Dre’s office, on his couch. Yesterday night it looked so much like my bed, though a part of my brain told me it was too small but then again…wait. I looked to my side to see two bottles of Moet. One was half empty, the other was laying on the table, obviously empty. I sat up lazily and rubbed my heavy eyes. It was all coming back to me, yup, as sure as hell and as true as sunshine, I was drunk and had passed out on Dre’s couch in his office,at work. I don mess up.
“If you werent my buddy I should fire you right now” he said helping me fetch my shoes and suit.
“I dont do guys” I attempted a joke.
“Ode!” He spat, half annoyed. I could see the smile playing at the corner of his lips and the contrasting weight the single word carried.”I’m really sorry man. I really am.”
“What are you doing here sef?”
He asked. I paused for a few seconds, I wasnt sure, but I felt a pain in my chest,heart break! I looked sadly at Dre.
“I think I just broke up with Mariam”
“Ho No! Not again” he said shaking his head, he knew it was the girl that actually broke up with me not the other way round.”Take the day off. Get out of here before anyone sees a whole editor looking like this”
“Im a journalist too..” I corrected.
“Who gives a rat’s ass …as if its an excuse” he blurted. He helped me put my shoes on as I put my suit on. I was not really hung over but I was weak. A few minutes later I was already in a cab, I thanked Dre as the cab drove off. “I’ll come see you in the evening” he said.
I checked my wrist watch, 6:52am.

The shower hit me with warm pelets of water. It felt heavy on my skin. I felt sore. As the the water droplets hit my skin, the memories of the previous night hit me and the soreness of my body was felt in my heart. Yeah, Maria broke up with me, she even had the decency of sealing it with a slap, on her birthday. Exactly a year after we first me how Ironic, like a sad scene in a witty comedy. And her man friend(I say man friend cus the dude had the belly like a nine month pregnant woman, a fat one at that, obviously in his early forties…well,maybe late thirties. He had a very nice shirt on and I think he was holding a key that had a Porsche logp,or was it Cadillac,wait thats not the issue sef, he’s ugly na…)”Stupid me!” I spat to the ground as I watched the sarliva slither into the drain with the water running from my body.
“Why does it alway have to happen to me like this?” I thought aloud as I fell into my bed. I couldnt have done something wrong na, girls are just not worth it jarey. My phone made the notification sound that implied a low battery, fortunately there was light. I rolled over and reached for the charger beside my bed and plugged the phone in. I saw that I
had emails and Whatsapp messages,I shrugged and dropped the phone on the floor beside my bed. I roll onto my back again,staring at the fan that spun above me, and like some kind of hypnosis, Im taken back to my secondary school days, when I first fell in love, when the tap of unfortunate events was turned loose on my life. It all started with one sweet girl, man she was hot, I believe she still is,except she got married to a bricklayer and gave birth to six kids and has sagging boobs and a shapeless waist now,which is very VERY unlikely…anyways her name was Tolu…Oh,Tolu.


6 thoughts on “A Thosand Love Mishapps

  1. Hmmmmmmmmm Tolu must have broken your heart in not so cool way from the discrition of her you gave….. Hahahahahah. cant wait to see what will happen next… Nice one bro.

  2. hahahahahahaha!!!SMH. So it’s if she’s married to a bricklayer dat her body will change, if she’s married to a wealthy man, her beauty will remain forever kwo? Piry u, twill do u like movie majic *wink* wetin d poor geh do u sef?

  3. This is going to be an interesting one. Am looking 4ward 2 d next piece pls. But wait oo mk I yab small, so men too can feel d pain of heartbeark? Hahahhaha, welcome to d ladies world, “winking”


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