A Thousand Love Mishapps(2)

Tolu was every teenagers dream, she was beautiful, smart, elegant, graceful,beautiful and well…beautiful… you need to see her. It was my second week in school when I noticed her, she probably came late from holidays…you see,I was a 5 feet tall lil kid (a cute one at that) who had just transfered in from kwara state to start my JS2 in Ibadan. It was a private school Fountains International school in Bodija,(good luck trying to find it in real life) and it was both bording and day school . It was on a tuesday morning,I was just leaving the hostel(as a bording house student) when a blue Toyota Corolla pulled up by the girls’ hostel, then I saw her,pink pair of Sketchers sneakers, white socks, CLEAN legs, then the short dress that was the girls’ uniform and a pink denim jacket,her face was like that of an angel,she had a simple lip gloss on and she has a glittery kind of eye shadow(I would have surely hated it of it was another girl that was wearing that eye shadow)…my jaw dropped to the floor. Sweet Mother of Joseph! She was beautiful.Gaaawwd!!! I couldnt wait to get to know but not when the matron was nearby… If you move three inches withine the vicinity of the girls’ hostel that woman will turn you upside down and use you to sweep the floor…literarily. So I had to leave and wait for my chance. A few weeks passed, I and Tolu had become close,(I know,Im a fast devil arent I) I was fund of doing her assignment and copying her notes for her, she was always buying me mirinda (which was precious to me at the time) and keeping me company before going to her hostel. We’d grown pretty close,we were what you can call…friends with benefits. My hostel mates and friends(very crazy bunch those guys, when I think of it now,yup,they were crazy! There was a guy that liked to use his name to make rhymes in self-composed rap songs and the worst part was he wouldnt sing if his penis was not dangling free all over the hostel…gross!). As I was saying,my hostel mates convinced me to ask her out…I always declined,but they urged “Guy ,you sef you be fine boy now” “No carry last O” ” Be sharp,man”…So I waited till first term JS3. I planned it all through the holiday how I was gonna present my case, a little music,I would use a pocket Walkman(ipods were not common in my school…or in naija sef at the time) present a flower and then my proposal. It was the perfect plan. When we resumed school I waited for the first Six months(just kidding,six days) I had what you can call frozen feet…I couldnt say jack to her. I always felt like I was gonna pee on myself everytime I as much as think about it around her. Im not sure if she noticed my nervousness around her even though I was popular with the senior girls,(I had three school mothers and alot of girls above my age liked me…probably because I looked like a human Chuwawa…Cute voice,small stature and I could sing. I would always sing “I need a girl” of Usher and Pdiddy for my school mothers…or any West Life song. Anyways back to my romance life with Tolu(please permit me to call it that,okay?) . So on a fateful friday, during siesta, I snuck out of the hostel to meet Tolu in class(she was usually in an empty class during siesta,she says she hates siesta) I was feeling all good and excited “Tolu..will you be my butterfly…no no no” I was rehearsing in my head as I walked towards the class room”Tolu…will you marry me…In…a Secondary school kinda way…no no thats dumb” I was making progress baa? “Tolu please be the sugar in my coffee…what the hell?” hell no…I was still rehearsing in my head when I heard Tolu’s laughter…she wasnt alone? I paused,inched closer and heard a guys voice…he was definitely an older guy’s voice “Ha! Mogbe!” I whispered to myself. I wanted to barge in and see what was happening,but I decided to play ditective a little. I located a small bush near the window of the class and watched from outside,it was senior Fash! A complete spawn of the devil and a human…that dude was evil. He’s the one that slapped a junior in JS1 and the kid spun 360° on the spot before collapsing…just because the kid mistakenly spill tea on his Hawk’s blood Timbz! Talk about wickedness in high places. What was he doing with Tolu…My Tolu. And they were smiling,giggling, laughing. I hope the matron catches them. Then like magic,I saw him move really close to her…then he kissed her…she seemed startled “U better slap him” I muttered from inside the bush. Then he tried to move closer again, “Now for the slap of the century” I thought,”he had it coming”. What happened was more like the kiss of the century. Yeeeh! I clasped my hands on my head. From there he started feeling on her boobs…No! No! No! Those are mine! I whispered desperately. I was busy cursing Fash as he smooched and kissed my wife(what?! Yes she was my wife! Tolu and I were meant to be together…and get married and make sweet sweet love and make little Sam and Tolus).
“Young man, what are you doing there???!!!” I heard a deep feminin voice call from behinde me.
I spun around, eyes wide and heart racing,it was the matron! “Oh shit!” I muttered,I wanted to run but I knew it would be jumping out of a frying pan into a pool of molten magma. I froze. She stomped towards me, I quickly dropped the rose on the floor. “I say what are you doing here?!”
“I ..I..I was just taking a stroll ma” a pathetic attempt of a lie.
“Strolling??!!…During Siesta!!!”
“I couldnt sleep ma”
“Shut up!!!” She yelled in my face, and startled me…I was gonna start crying(what? Someone with a face as scary as the Matron’s will make a grown man pee in his pants).
“Im sorry ma” I said as she grabbed my hand.”Im sorry ma” I continued pleading.
“Taking you to your Mr.Akin”
“Aaah…please ma. Im begging you” my pleading intensified. You see,Mr.Akin also known as’A.K.’ was my house master. Fair skinned,bald and he must have been a slave owner in Missisipi in his past life…in short,that guy can whip a tree till it yelps. Am not talking about just any kind of whipping,am talking whipping with some serious style, designer whipping with a belt. To him whipping must have been like some kind of art. You wont want this man to beat you, talk less of roll up his sleves when he’s in a bad mood…cus if he does,YOU DEAD! That night I couldnt sleep cus I and the house master had a fine encounter, lets just say me and him have a mutual agreement that I never ever ever ever ever step out of my bed during siestas again…and incase I forgot all I had to do was touch my butt…cus I was sure it would be sore for the rest of my days.
The next day,I was in the dinning hall trying to enjoy my breakfast when Fash walked to where I was sitting and stared down at me. And in the coolest and smoothest voice said” So na you dey peep me and my girlfriend abi?” he spoke in the pace of someone like Bruce Willis “See me in the hostel after school.” He said and walked away.
“Why did my parents give birth to me?” I thought, because I honestly and earnesrly wish I would cease to exist for just a while. In class, I was haunted by things Fash would do to me after school hours…I didnt want to think of it…I might as well commit suicide( suggestions anyone?). I sat in class hardly using my butt. I had barely opened my maths text book to see if there was any assignment I hadnt done(and from experience,I had plenty) then I looked up momentarily only to see standing before me,was Tolu.


2 thoughts on “A Thousand Love Mishapps(2)

  1. Hilarious, Nice Job bro. Things we go through for LOVE. The school description is quite impressive. Bring back memories to me too. Cant wait for the next Episode….Thumbs up.


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