A Thousand Love Mishapps (5)

“Oh…”I said,I was about to start feeling disappointed when I reminded myself that three days ago,she never even spoke a word to me.”I would love that” I said,smiling like a cartoon character. “Yaaaay!” She jumped at me excitedly,and held me in that heavenly hug for a while. “We’re gonna have so much fun! We’ll hang out everyday, all my friends will flip when they hear you sing!…” and she went on and on and on,and I just kept smiling(it got to a point my jaws started aching).
In the next couple of days,I found out a few things; 1.That pretty girls like to walk together,and there is usually a not-so-pretty but really rich (or cool or fashionable) one among them.2. Its hard to find a pretty girl that was free of the pests called “boys”(as if I’m not one of them) 3.Pretty girls get pretty much all they want.4. Pretty girls from different groups hate each other,and 5. When pretty girls like a helpless,innocent ,cute guy like myself,other guys will either admire or hate your gutts. Yup,and guess which happened to me? You were gonna say “Im sure they’ll hate the goodness out of you” ,right? Well, you’re right, and wrong. Let me explain, Jemimah and her group looooooved me, the girls in my class were beefing me,while the boys in my class admired me,and for once, for once in my then miserable life, seniors were lobbying to hang out with me…Im guessing you’re like “Is this guy kidding me?” But no, this cute fella ain’t kidding. Seniors would arrange meetings like “The God-Father”.Everybody wanted me to put in a good word for them with Jemimah…hehehehe…I was in power baybee! I was in the dining hall one evening,chilling with my rice and fish stew when,with my fellow hostel mates,when three SS2 boys came up to me “Ade” one of them with fair oily skin and a flat wide nose called,he was huge “Shellow wants to see you”.
“Abeg” I started begging “make I chop this rice small I never finish”
“Are you deaf!?” Another one, about my height, yelled in a squicky-like voice. He was like an African Chuwawa, but I heard he was brutal,he could climb the table to slap a junior who took him lightly. Bony face,thats what they called him (and trust me,he was as bony as a skeleton exhibit).
“abeg make I fin-” I was hardly through with my statement when the huge one jacked me up and before I could recite ‘Jack and Jill’ I was at the back of the class area. No junior student ever prays to go there. Well,there I was, in the most dreaded territory, sorrounded by at least five senior students, no teachers around,(perfect spot to die), and in front of me was Shellow. He was an albino,he was the cute albino guy thet had allowed himself loose flavour. He had black spots all over his face,his eyes were constantly swollen (I heard he did weed). He was, well…lets just say he was past the days of his glory, thanks to his sick habits and zero hygiene.
“You guys can leave us” Shellow said. The other SS2 boys left us. From under a pile of text books and other reading materials, he pulled out a pack of ciggaret,he opened it and offered me one. “No thanks” I declined politely, he didnt shrugg, like he was half hoping I would say so. He picked one out and lit it (no idea where the lighter came from). “So you are Jemimah’s new boyfriend?” He asked with obvious irritation. My spider senses were tingling like crazy. “Ah! No O…she’s just my school mother…she even came to me…she said we could be friends…she just said we should be friends…in fact we dont see everyday, well,except for the last week whe-”
“Abeg! Make I hear word” he said with clouds of smoke gushing out of his mouth he shut me up.
“Look,I want you to help me psych your school mother up…” that was when I realized, this chimney nosed, bug faced, ogre smelling, black teethed salamander wanted me to toast my beautiful Jemimah. I stood there as he devised and fantasized about how I would sweeten her up, arrange a meeting,how he wouldn’t mind being my school father…(EEEWWWW!! The guy didnt even have any Kellogg’s to offer, or milk,he would just be taking the little I had). I went back to my room, certain that I would destroy Shellow’s image as much as possible with Jemimah, as my stomach rumbled in anguish for the forsaken fish stew. When I told the boys back in the hostel they were like “Never,she no go gree for that he-goat devil called Shellow”
“Yeah,I know” I said, happy that I wasn’t the only one that felt that way. Then Sean(Useless boy) said something that seemed so profound “I believe that Jemimah sef like you Ade”
“What?”I was surprised
“I talk say she like you”
“Ehn,before n’ko? She mustu like me nau. Na me be em school son, abi?”
“Ode! Not like that jor…she’s into you!”
I fell silent, laughed one fake laughter and walked away.
I was happy, surprised ,grateful, annoyed, dissapointed, all at the same time. Happy because ,well,you can guess that one,I mean,Im inlove with the babe. Surprised because the guy sprung the suggestion on me out of no where. Grateful because it was obviuosly a sign from heaven. Annoyed because I would have to go through hell(Its Basic,you go through hell to get a pretty girl. Fairy tales are a typical example. You fight the dragon, kill a witch, swallow a frog…catch a grenade…hehehe), and that Shellow was sending me to my own lover! Then disappointed in myself because I realised I should have done something about it long ago. Well,she was no longer my School Mother she was now my “School Mummy” (you get,like sugar mummy…hehehe,okay I gat issues). The next time I and Jemimah met, she was not with her entourage, if not I would have sung a love song for each of the girls(I usually sang Usher’s songs for them-always kills the ladies). So it was just my Mummy and I. We had an amazing time talking about our past, our experiences when we first came to the school,our former lives in our former schools(she was also ab transfer,ahhhhhh…she was truly the bone of my bone). I watched her smile, flick her hair,play with the heart shaped pendant on her neck lace. I listened to her story, her past, her hopes, and I listened to her smile,I heard her laugh and I knew it, that I was in trouble, I was falling in love with Jemimah(well,we all knew this was gonna happen).I mentioned Shellow to her and her reaction was more than satiafactory, she hated his gutts. She didnt use the word hate, but I would prefer to think that. Things were going perfectly,I was telling Shellow and all the other guys after Jemimah that she was not ready yet while I and Jemimah were getting chum. She even started pecking me after a while in public and her friends started calling me her “sweet heart”. God had buttered my bread! 🙂

However, trouble was brewing In my paradise when I started hearing rumors of a certain George that was successfully getting close to Jemimah…hmmmm! I didn’t liken. that,I was kind of furious, but I was keeping it on the downlow! Jemimah hadnt mentioned it to me, she would tell me if it was serious, because Our relation was beyond the school mother-school son type,as far as I was concerned.It was just a matter of time before I popped the question (the “will you be my girl?” question). So I kept quiet about it.
In my own little corner,I was enjoying the prospect of lying to Shellow about Jemimah’s mixed signals. He was busy analising my lies,thinking it was the truth, what a mugun;somedays he would be so confused because she would greet him . any other student,whereas I had given him the impression that something was there!(I know,evil me…n). Another thing that was happening was that rumors were going round about me in the entire junior secondary block,that I was a player and was dating only senior girls. Whispers were going around all the time,I was fast becoming the new kid on the block. There was this babe-Remi- that I usually borrowed “Archie” comics from,she was cute, and it was obvious she liked me, however, she was a little bald (what?! A guy should have taste! I like girls with hair and the girl had a hairline I didnt like,call me a perfectionist,but there are guys that dont do small boobs,or small butt…so dont judge me ( ˘˘̯) ). Anyways I wasnt into her,well,Im a one woman guy,I had Jemimah,so thats final. So, I was sitting in class one afternoon, the boring Social Studies teacher was teaching a topic I dont even care to remember,when out of shere boredom I looked out the window,and there was my beautiful Jemimah, walking alone,…in my mind I was like “aaaaawwwwww! My baby” The little micro interestvI had in the class went out the window,she had my full attention though she didnt know.As she walked on leisurely some hoodlum bumped into her, and held her! I stood up! About to rush out ,and scream “Rape! Rape!! Rape! Raaaaaaaaaape!” When I saw that the guy didnt bump into her,he hugged her from the back and now they were in each other’s arms. They untangled from the most unholy hugg and started walking away,hand in hand! Jesu! I was there, frozen without ice, rooted on the spot!
“Mister man!” the boring teacher in extra gross glasses called my attention “Can I help you?”. I realised I was still standing.
“Um…No…N…No sir” I answered.
“Then sit down my friend and dont disrupt the class. Abi you want to go to the toilet?” The class roared in laughter. Mr. Goggles made a joke for once. But I was the punch line, so sad. I and Jemimah were going to have I talk, “It might not be pretty” I thought to myself. I was so sure there was no amount of thinking that would prepare me for another heart break…Na who send me sef!?

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