A Thousand Love Mishaps (9)

Now let me make this clear once and for all…. I am not a bad person. Nope, I am not. I’m just a young kid trying to live. Can I Live? Please. Please my Niggas and Niggresses. Can a brother live?! I didn’t have a point I just always wanted to ask that question to anyone that had time to waste (Hehehehehe). So Mirabel kissed me. I was no longer a lip virgin. Ah! People. You should have seen me walk around the next day… I was like king Kong. I felt like the king of China. I felt like the president of the jungle. Or is the other way round… anyways shaaaaa! I was the Baus!…And I was loving my life. Brought out my last tin of Corned beef and gave it to the boys at the dining table.
“Wetin dey worry dis one” one of my hating class mates asked,- I can’t remember his name- but I didn’t care to share…what kind of man kisses and tells. Well, to be completely honest, I told my bunk mate, then he told his friend, then that one told his girlfriend (Oponu…Ashewo) Then that one told… It doesn’t matter who the hell she told, once a girl know, the whole solar systems knows already. But don’t you worry my dear readers, I didn’t get into too much trouble, Mirabel never found out, or maybe she did and didn’t care.
Forget say Mirabel na the school “whatever they want to call her”. Me and her were down, she makes me sing love songs. WhoooOoooOooooOoo! *that was an ad-lib in case you were wondering. Sooo after school hours, Mirabel asked me to accompany her to the administrative block, a five storey building. She said she forgot her bag there and didn’t want to go back alone.
“What is your bag doing in admin block?” I asked.
“I went there to read during break and left my bag” she answered.
“Oh…okay”
There was an awkward silence after that… We climbed the first flight of stairs. the second, the third, the fourth… we were on the third floor by then.
She paused, walked into one of the old labs and stopped at the window…staring out at Something. then it clicked…I must have done a good job of the last time we kissed she wanted a “take home to Mama”experience. I had to be smooth. I walked over to her and slowly put my hand around her waist. She sounds around sharply.
“Do you think I’m a whore?” She blurted out from nowhere, my brain froze for a few seconds. My hands fell off her waist (Apa ti jabo O Jesu!)
“I- I- I don’t understand…”
“Just answer the question Ade ” She had a serious look on her face.
“I don’t think so… I know people say things but I don’t care”
Her expression softened.
“I Like you for who you are…Kind, friendly, Smart, Sw-”
You guess it. We were kissing. She held me close, her arms around my neck,she grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob.
“Oh shit” I thought to myself “I’m about to loose my virginity in a science lab”
I didn’t really care… No I did care, my brain cared, my body on the other hand, that’s a totally different story.
Badoo… I pushed her softly against the wall, and pressed against her… she moaned. I ran my hand up her thigh as I slowed down the kissing, deepening it at th same time.
I couldn’t control my words…”Gawwd I Love you”. She stopped. She looked me in the eyes, disappointment oozing from her eyes.
She turned from me and started to walk away.
“Hey! Hey!…Mirable.” I called to her “I’m not lying, I mean it!” She paused. Looked at me with teary eyes and said “Don’t ever say those words to me or any girl…. it’s a lie!” Before I could say another word, she was out of the room. I walked behind her as she stumped away mumbling stuff I couldn’t hear to herself.
I tried a second time to talk to her. To get an …Anything.
“Mirabel… Can we-”
“Do you actually think I could love you. Small boy like you”
I felt like I had been slapped… six…teen… thousand times… with a metal glove…by hulk… on steroid.
I stopped on my tracks.
“Better stay away from me… Love… Odeh!” she hissed and walked away.
Crazy person!
The next time I saw her, it was with I.K., he brought his parents’ car and she was in there with him. I just decided to free her… I kuku wanted to study.
Crazy Person…. Mtcheww. This time around I was moving on easily.

The Rantings Of A Short Black Boy …Short Blaq Boi

*Picks up Magazine*…*Sips Garri…Suddenly drops spoon* *Angrily drops magazine*
What the Hell! Whaaaaat the hell is it! All this magazines sef, what is the problem!?Always talking all manner of Nonsense. Im sure you’re wondering what I am ranting about. Well, let me tell you, its just rediculous that the media has put it upon itself to make life miserable for men. Yes, men! And Im talking about this “six-feet- tall” burden that has been put on our backs as guys. Yes, it started from fashion, the person must be 6 feet tall, all built up, all rubbed up in oil…Does he have to be six feet tall?! Then of course we have the movies, must the guy AAAALWAYS have to be taller,I mean, who would die if the girl was taller for once. Just once! And the heroe has to be taller than the damsel, yack! So unrealistic. Now every small girl is shouting “he has to be tall dark and handsome”…how are you sure all the
“tall dark and handsome” fellas out there are not serial killers, psychopaths or even ….Gay…yeah, it stings that alot are. So what is my point? My point is this, dwarfs should be utilized more often, they are usually pretty hot if U ask me, well built too. And you would give alot of guys a chance in the dating world. Come on, just for one year, use not-so-tall guys for adverts,romatic roles and fashion spreads. I mean look at Bowwow, MI,Flavour Flave,Martin Lawrence…heck even my causin Spookie, Aki and Pawpaw and so on(No disrespect meant,especially to my cousin spookie).
Everybody thinks making fun of people’s heights automatically becomes funny. Well, we could turn the table and say all tall people have brain defficiency,cus air doesnt climb all the way to the head at the required rate.That wouldnt be so funny, would it?…maybe it would, any time a tall person goofs out of does something silly, it should be related to air not getting to his brain, that would hurt!…Oh yes it would ,wouldn’t it?! Muhahahaha! So back on course…it doesnt make any sense!!! Aaghhhhh!!!Get a grip all you girls out there,and make the world a better place,JEEEZ! You know what I’ll do? No you dont, because I haven’t told you. Anyway,Im going to tell you. I am going to start my own beauty pagent and Modeling agency for Brief and Cute men. Yeah thats what am gonna do, and am gonna push it down everybody’s throat, thanks to media! You’ll see Mr.Cute and Brief everywhere you turn, on TV, on the radio, on your blogs in Magazines, on the internet, facebook, In church, in the mosque,in the cathedral, in the museum, in the queens palace(whichever queen you want to mention) and there is nothing, I mean NOTHING anybody will be able to do about it….MUHAHAHAHAHA! (This villain laugh thing really works, it has a kind of soothing effect). *picks up spoon from floor…licks it and drops it in cup…Picks up magazine again* …What the Hell!!!!! What is it with these people???!!!. Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!
For realz now…I think everyone is beautiful, and that whatever shape size or colour you are,it doesnt really matter, someone loves you, someone lurking in the background…hoping to get a chance to let you know they like you. The respect you are accorded in life depends directly on the respect you give yourself, and project onto others. Love yourself, Love YOU,cus no one is exactly like you. And God made you this way for a reason, and trust me, its the best way You could ever wish to be. Be proud of what you look like, and people will have no choice but to be proud of it too. 😉