A Thousand Love Mishaps (9)

Now let me make this clear once and for all…. I am not a bad person. Nope, I am not. I’m just a young kid trying to live. Can I Live? Please. Please my Niggas and Niggresses. Can a brother live?! I didn’t have a point I just always wanted to ask that question to anyone that had time to waste (Hehehehehe). So Mirabel kissed me. I was no longer a lip virgin. Ah! People. You should have seen me walk around the next day… I was like king Kong. I felt like the king of China. I felt like the president of the jungle. Or is the other way round… anyways shaaaaa! I was the Baus!…And I was loving my life. Brought out my last tin of Corned beef and gave it to the boys at the dining table.
“Wetin dey worry dis one” one of my hating class mates asked,- I can’t remember his name- but I didn’t care to share…what kind of man kisses and tells. Well, to be completely honest, I told my bunk mate, then he told his friend, then that one told his girlfriend (Oponu…Ashewo) Then that one told… It doesn’t matter who the hell she told, once a girl know, the whole solar systems knows already. But don’t you worry my dear readers, I didn’t get into too much trouble, Mirabel never found out, or maybe she did and didn’t care.
Forget say Mirabel na the school “whatever they want to call her”. Me and her were down, she makes me sing love songs. WhoooOoooOooooOoo! *that was an ad-lib in case you were wondering. Sooo after school hours, Mirabel asked me to accompany her to the administrative block, a five storey building. She said she forgot her bag there and didn’t want to go back alone.
“What is your bag doing in admin block?” I asked.
“I went there to read during break and left my bag” she answered.
“Oh…okay”
There was an awkward silence after that… We climbed the first flight of stairs. the second, the third, the fourth… we were on the third floor by then.
She paused, walked into one of the old labs and stopped at the window…staring out at Something. then it clicked…I must have done a good job of the last time we kissed she wanted a “take home to Mama”experience. I had to be smooth. I walked over to her and slowly put my hand around her waist. She sounds around sharply.
“Do you think I’m a whore?” She blurted out from nowhere, my brain froze for a few seconds. My hands fell off her waist (Apa ti jabo O Jesu!)
“I- I- I don’t understand…”
“Just answer the question Ade ” She had a serious look on her face.
“I don’t think so… I know people say things but I don’t care”
Her expression softened.
“I Like you for who you are…Kind, friendly, Smart, Sw-”
You guess it. We were kissing. She held me close, her arms around my neck,she grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob.
“Oh shit” I thought to myself “I’m about to loose my virginity in a science lab”
I didn’t really care… No I did care, my brain cared, my body on the other hand, that’s a totally different story.
Badoo… I pushed her softly against the wall, and pressed against her… she moaned. I ran my hand up her thigh as I slowed down the kissing, deepening it at th same time.
I couldn’t control my words…”Gawwd I Love you”. She stopped. She looked me in the eyes, disappointment oozing from her eyes.
She turned from me and started to walk away.
“Hey! Hey!…Mirable.” I called to her “I’m not lying, I mean it!” She paused. Looked at me with teary eyes and said “Don’t ever say those words to me or any girl…. it’s a lie!” Before I could say another word, she was out of the room. I walked behind her as she stumped away mumbling stuff I couldn’t hear to herself.
I tried a second time to talk to her. To get an …Anything.
“Mirabel… Can we-”
“Do you actually think I could love you. Small boy like you”
I felt like I had been slapped… six…teen… thousand times… with a metal glove…by hulk… on steroid.
I stopped on my tracks.
“Better stay away from me… Love… Odeh!” she hissed and walked away.
Crazy person!
The next time I saw her, it was with I.K., he brought his parents’ car and she was in there with him. I just decided to free her… I kuku wanted to study.
Crazy Person…. Mtcheww. This time around I was moving on easily.

Rantings of a Short Blaq Boi: Women In Our World Today.

Women In our world today
Most women, nowadays, want something they cant find….something that isn’t wired into the nature of most men,if not all men. They want something the society doesn’t have, cant have, isn’t wired to have. Like I picked from a movie “Its the ugly truth”.
What am I talking about? I’m talking about women who want to be treated like ladies, they want someone who will care for them, who will protect them, who will open the door for them, pay some of the bills, men who will do their manly duties, which is not bad at all, see where the problem comes in when women want to be treated equally as men, no I’m not saying women should be treated any less than men, I’m saying women want to treat men the way men treat men. Especially in a relationship, be it friendship, romantic or marital stage. Thats just plain childish and twisted if you ask me (Thanks to Hollywood….or maybe its just the western society)Even the Bible makes it clear, the man, more than anything, NEEDS submission, and respect. Love him, but you must be willing to submit and respect, he must know you are submissive and that he is respected even more than he knows he is loved, trust me, its the truth. A woman needs tender loving care, yes the big T.L.C., the man should be tender, the man should be considerate. The man should not do to his woman or female friend, what he wouldnt’ want to happen to his own body, am I right? The man’s duty is to care for, to protect, to nurture, and provide for his own body, which is what the woman also needs. The woman, like I said earlier must R.E.S.P.E.C.T the man, and honour him, and Submit to him in Love. The equation will be most satisfactory if the man is as Loving and considerate to the woman as he would be to his very own self. Don’t make her cook when you obviously see she is tired, tho its her duty as a wife(women, wether U like it or not, its the universal truth, even in the animal kingdom, take your face off Holly Wood and suck it up!) I would like to see a family where the woman comes in and asks the man “Where is my food honey?” Or honey “Whats for dinner?” If you think its african mentality, then you better think again…lets not drift too far. Dont make love to her like she is some piece of meat. Man, dont be a selfish pig! Even dogs and goats put in a little effort., satisfy your woman, even though its her duty to submit to you, even in sex. Being nice and sensitive sometimes doesnt mean you are not in control. In simple conversation, you can be playfull and still be respectful, you dont have to hurt his ego(all men have it, deal with it. You have your periods too,so its kinda equal. If men had a compiled ego issue that just burst out a few days every month, you would get what I mean). Being playful and respectful is something all woman can do, its called simple charm…you can learn it. Women and men are equal, but NOT the same. We both have duties, we both have parts to fulfill, we both have our faults, we both have to support each other, we both need love,we both have our strengths and weaknesses, but these things are not necessarily in the same way. Get it straight ladies and Gentlemen. We are Equal but not the same. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander, very true,but that doesnt make the gander a goose, people, get it straight! Haha! Kai…mean I’m almost losing my appetite. wait… Am I ranting again? Yes? Good. Deal with it!

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Don’t they just look so perfect?… *Yinmu*

The Rantings Of A Short Black Boy …Short Blaq Boi

*Picks up Magazine*…*Sips Garri…Suddenly drops spoon* *Angrily drops magazine*
What the Hell! Whaaaaat the hell is it! All this magazines sef, what is the problem!?Always talking all manner of Nonsense. Im sure you’re wondering what I am ranting about. Well, let me tell you, its just rediculous that the media has put it upon itself to make life miserable for men. Yes, men! And Im talking about this “six-feet- tall” burden that has been put on our backs as guys. Yes, it started from fashion, the person must be 6 feet tall, all built up, all rubbed up in oil…Does he have to be six feet tall?! Then of course we have the movies, must the guy AAAALWAYS have to be taller,I mean, who would die if the girl was taller for once. Just once! And the heroe has to be taller than the damsel, yack! So unrealistic. Now every small girl is shouting “he has to be tall dark and handsome”…how are you sure all the
“tall dark and handsome” fellas out there are not serial killers, psychopaths or even ….Gay…yeah, it stings that alot are. So what is my point? My point is this, dwarfs should be utilized more often, they are usually pretty hot if U ask me, well built too. And you would give alot of guys a chance in the dating world. Come on, just for one year, use not-so-tall guys for adverts,romatic roles and fashion spreads. I mean look at Bowwow, MI,Flavour Flave,Martin Lawrence…heck even my causin Spookie, Aki and Pawpaw and so on(No disrespect meant,especially to my cousin spookie).
Everybody thinks making fun of people’s heights automatically becomes funny. Well, we could turn the table and say all tall people have brain defficiency,cus air doesnt climb all the way to the head at the required rate.That wouldnt be so funny, would it?…maybe it would, any time a tall person goofs out of does something silly, it should be related to air not getting to his brain, that would hurt!…Oh yes it would ,wouldn’t it?! Muhahahaha! So back on course…it doesnt make any sense!!! Aaghhhhh!!!Get a grip all you girls out there,and make the world a better place,JEEEZ! You know what I’ll do? No you dont, because I haven’t told you. Anyway,Im going to tell you. I am going to start my own beauty pagent and Modeling agency for Brief and Cute men. Yeah thats what am gonna do, and am gonna push it down everybody’s throat, thanks to media! You’ll see Mr.Cute and Brief everywhere you turn, on TV, on the radio, on your blogs in Magazines, on the internet, facebook, In church, in the mosque,in the cathedral, in the museum, in the queens palace(whichever queen you want to mention) and there is nothing, I mean NOTHING anybody will be able to do about it….MUHAHAHAHAHA! (This villain laugh thing really works, it has a kind of soothing effect). *picks up spoon from floor…licks it and drops it in cup…Picks up magazine again* …What the Hell!!!!! What is it with these people???!!!. Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!
For realz now…I think everyone is beautiful, and that whatever shape size or colour you are,it doesnt really matter, someone loves you, someone lurking in the background…hoping to get a chance to let you know they like you. The respect you are accorded in life depends directly on the respect you give yourself, and project onto others. Love yourself, Love YOU,cus no one is exactly like you. And God made you this way for a reason, and trust me, its the best way You could ever wish to be. Be proud of what you look like, and people will have no choice but to be proud of it too. 😉

The Rantings Of A Short Black Boy …Short Blaq Boi

*Picks up Magazine*…*Sips Garri…Suddenly drops spoon* *Angrily drops magazine*
What the Hell! Whaaaaat the hell is it! All this magazines sef, what is the problem! Always talking all manner of Nonsense. Im sure you’re wondering what I am ranting about. Well let me tell you, its just rediculous that the media has put it upon itself to make life miserable for men. Yes, men! And Im talking about this “six feet” tall burden that has been put on our backs as guys. Yes, it started from fashion, the person must be 6 feet tall, all built up, all rubbed up in oil…does he have to be six feet tall?! Then of course we have the movies, must the guy AAAALWAYS have to be taller,I mean, who would die if the girl was taller for once. Just once! And the heroe has to be taller than the damsel, yack! So unrealistic. Now every small girl is shouting he has to be”tall dark and handsome”…how are you sure all the

“tall dark and handsome” fellas out there are not serial killers, psychopaths or even ….Gay…yeah, it stings that alot are. So what is my point? My point is this, dwarfs should be utilized more often, they are usually pretty hot if U ask me, well built too. And you would give alot of guys a chance in the dating world. Come on, just for one year! Use not-so-tall guys for adverts, romatic roles and fashion spreads. I mean look at Bowwow, MI,Flavour Flave,Martin Lawrence…heck even my causin Spookie!
That being said, all movie directors should use lines like “He doesnt have to be tall” or “Ohhh George is so cute, though he’s short,he knows how to please a Lady” “Oh I just love medium height men” I mean, the list is endless! Am I being unreasonable? Of course Not! Damn near gabe me a heart faliure a few years back, checking through movie channels.. I wanted to scream for my mom and a glass of milk and Gin(milk and Gin is crappy by the way) that said. I will try to rest my case now. For goodness sake Im not gonna keep quiet…its just not right. Im gonna keep fighting and talking…and well, writing for the greater good. The good of all men, all men bellow six feet…Oh yes, for I have a dream! A dream that a dwarf gets to play 007, that some day, all hot girls will look on tall men like they were plagued…Oh yeahhhhh Baby, the tall ones started it first! Dont blame me for being a psycho! …wait, did I just call myself a psycho!?…Loooool! *sips garri* okay,Im just messing with y’all,Im not some short version of Adulf Hitler. However, all men are created equal, regardless of their height or complexion, or complexes, past, and present. Ultimately, the world will see you the way you truly see yourself. See the best possible YOU, act the best possible YOU,and you will see that you have become the BEST POSSIBLE YOU. Try it for a month, then try being nice for a week. You’ll see 🙂

THAT MOMENT

That moment
When you realise you’e unique
When you realise you have a purpose
When you realise you have a role to play in your own life
And you determine wether or not you will be forever happy or miserable
That moment you realise you need to get up and DO SOMETHING productive
You realise you are too much to afford to be lazy

That moment you realize life is NOT PERFECT but is beautiful.
That no situation is perfect, or permanent
That no one is perfect, but everyone is amazingly beautiful in their own way,including you
That moment you realise perfection is boring, imperfection IS perfection.

That moment, you see
That moment, you breath
That moment,you live
That moment,you soar.

9 Signs That Your Relationship Is In Danger.

9 Signs That Your Relationship Is In Danger.(Culled from Spark Notes.com) Now this stuff is hilarious! U gotta love the sense of humor…however, as you laugh out loud and Roll on the floor(or bed,or road,or sand…one can never tell) try to get the real points because they are actually quite accurate. Enjoy 🙂 1. Awkward Around Friends: Your girlfriend always avoids explaining your relationship to her friends. “This is my boyfriend and I love him sooo much!” you expect her to say. “Here’s this dude,” she says instead. “PTTHTBH,” she adds, sticking out her tongue and giving you a thumbs-down. Undeterred, you attempt to put your arm around her, but she chases you away with a garden hose like a common raccoon. 2. Stalky Behavior: Your boyfriend constantly keeps tabs on your interactions with Mother guys. He’s always asking what you’re doing right now, often as he bursts out of a storm drain while

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you’re walking down the street. You have not received mail in weeks because he chases off your mailman with a rake every morning. There is a bush in your backyard that is always suspiciously sneezing. 3. Inappropriate Jealousy: Your boyfriend gets all weird and possessive over the tiniest things. If a guy waves at you in the hallway, your boyfriend angrily demands that you not go into hallways anymore. If a dog licks your hand while you’re at the park, he resolves to hunt down the dog’s girlfriend and make out with it. 4. Lies/Avoidance: You girlfriend never seems to be able to make time for you anymore. “I can’t have coffee with you today because my hamster has a fever!” she informs you, crying, but also playing a game on her phone at the same time. Later you walk past Starbucks and there she is, laughing and having coffee with her hamster. 5. Suspicious Texts: You check your boyfriend’s phone one day, and you discover with shock that all his recently received texts are like “i cant wait to see you again ;)” and “you have such a beautiful mouth.” You confront him, and he reassures you that all of these texts are from his dentist. 6. Never Telling Family About You: You’ve been dating your girlfriend for a long time, but you’ve never been to her house, so one day you show up unexpectedly to deliver her a romantic bouquet of roses. Her dad pokes his head out the window. “IT’S ONE OF THEM TEEN- AGERS! AND HE’S GOT FLOWERS ! GET MY SHOTGUN, MILDRED!” he bellows. 7. Finding Distractions Too Easily: Sitting together with your girlfriend on a beautiful day, you feel like the moment is perfect, and you lean in to kiss her. “Oh but wait!” she exclaims, wrenching her entire body away from your stupid mouth. “There is a cute bird outside!” You look outside, and the bird isn’t even all that cute. 8. Failing To Notice Significant Changes: You dye your hair from blonde to jet black and then meet up with your boyfriend. “What do you think??” you ask, flipping your hair around. “I think that fiat currency is the leash that keeps us bound to our Lizard People overlords! Ron Paul 2016,” he says, staring right at you with his big dumb oblivious face. 9. Sudden Changes In Behavior: Your girlfriend always enjoyed playing your homemade D&D modules— Attack Of The Horrible Football-Playing Orcs, Revenge Of The Stupid Mean Orcs of Jock Mountain— but then one day, you notice her making out with like five different football players. You bring it up to her later, and she assures you she was only making sure that everybody else is a worse kisser than you. You are completely satisfied by this.

20 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW AS AN ENTREPRENEUR.

20 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW AS AN ENTREPRENEUR.

1.Give people something they wish they could make themselves but can’t. You have a unique set of skills. Own them!

2. Understand your brand: your brand is a genuine statement of who you are and what you make.

3. Make things for other people. Find people who inspire and challenge you to keep creating and making amazing things.

4. Experiment. Most will fail, but the ones that succeed will be completely amazing.

5. Don’t just sell things, excite customers. Turn customers into collectors.

6. Tell a story! Who are you? What is your shop all about? Why do you make that?

7. Only put forth quality. Think like an art director.

8. Make each “transaction” remarkable and memorable.

9. Be human and let shoppers enjoy buying from a unique, creative human.

10. Develop a support team.

11. Set your intentions rather than goals.

12. Work out your pricing model. Set your business up for financial success, not failure.

13. Track and grow. What you can’t track doesn’t grow. Evaluate and gauge success weekly.

14. Have fun and celebrate your life. You created this! It is beautiful and worth celebrating.

15. It is important to “treat people with an overall feeling that they are taking part in something artistic” – David Butler

16. Pitch your amazing item or service to editors weekly.

17. Think like a shop owner before contacting them about wholesale. Understand marketing in merchandising.

18. Any time you can make your brand feel more human and more intentional, do it.

19. Be remarkable. Create things that are memorable and amazing.

20. Step back and enjoy this life you created. Don’t lose that first love. Creating your own career and proving people with something beautifully and unique is priceless.