A Thousand Love Mishaps (9)

Now let me make this clear once and for all…. I am not a bad person. Nope, I am not. I’m just a young kid trying to live. Can I Live? Please. Please my Niggas and Niggresses. Can a brother live?! I didn’t have a point I just always wanted to ask that question to anyone that had time to waste (Hehehehehe). So Mirabel kissed me. I was no longer a lip virgin. Ah! People. You should have seen me walk around the next day… I was like king Kong. I felt like the king of China. I felt like the president of the jungle. Or is the other way round… anyways shaaaaa! I was the Baus!…And I was loving my life. Brought out my last tin of Corned beef and gave it to the boys at the dining table.
“Wetin dey worry dis one” one of my hating class mates asked,- I can’t remember his name- but I didn’t care to share…what kind of man kisses and tells. Well, to be completely honest, I told my bunk mate, then he told his friend, then that one told his girlfriend (Oponu…Ashewo) Then that one told… It doesn’t matter who the hell she told, once a girl know, the whole solar systems knows already. But don’t you worry my dear readers, I didn’t get into too much trouble, Mirabel never found out, or maybe she did and didn’t care.
Forget say Mirabel na the school “whatever they want to call her”. Me and her were down, she makes me sing love songs. WhoooOoooOooooOoo! *that was an ad-lib in case you were wondering. Sooo after school hours, Mirabel asked me to accompany her to the administrative block, a five storey building. She said she forgot her bag there and didn’t want to go back alone.
“What is your bag doing in admin block?” I asked.
“I went there to read during break and left my bag” she answered.
“Oh…okay”
There was an awkward silence after that… We climbed the first flight of stairs. the second, the third, the fourth… we were on the third floor by then.
She paused, walked into one of the old labs and stopped at the window…staring out at Something. then it clicked…I must have done a good job of the last time we kissed she wanted a “take home to Mama”experience. I had to be smooth. I walked over to her and slowly put my hand around her waist. She sounds around sharply.
“Do you think I’m a whore?” She blurted out from nowhere, my brain froze for a few seconds. My hands fell off her waist (Apa ti jabo O Jesu!)
“I- I- I don’t understand…”
“Just answer the question Ade ” She had a serious look on her face.
“I don’t think so… I know people say things but I don’t care”
Her expression softened.
“I Like you for who you are…Kind, friendly, Smart, Sw-”
You guess it. We were kissing. She held me close, her arms around my neck,she grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob.
“Oh shit” I thought to myself “I’m about to loose my virginity in a science lab”
I didn’t really care… No I did care, my brain cared, my body on the other hand, that’s a totally different story.
Badoo… I pushed her softly against the wall, and pressed against her… she moaned. I ran my hand up her thigh as I slowed down the kissing, deepening it at th same time.
I couldn’t control my words…”Gawwd I Love you”. She stopped. She looked me in the eyes, disappointment oozing from her eyes.
She turned from me and started to walk away.
“Hey! Hey!…Mirable.” I called to her “I’m not lying, I mean it!” She paused. Looked at me with teary eyes and said “Don’t ever say those words to me or any girl…. it’s a lie!” Before I could say another word, she was out of the room. I walked behind her as she stumped away mumbling stuff I couldn’t hear to herself.
I tried a second time to talk to her. To get an …Anything.
“Mirabel… Can we-”
“Do you actually think I could love you. Small boy like you”
I felt like I had been slapped… six…teen… thousand times… with a metal glove…by hulk… on steroid.
I stopped on my tracks.
“Better stay away from me… Love… Odeh!” she hissed and walked away.
Crazy person!
The next time I saw her, it was with I.K., he brought his parents’ car and she was in there with him. I just decided to free her… I kuku wanted to study.
Crazy Person…. Mtcheww. This time around I was moving on easily.

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A Thousand Love Mishaps (7)

Life was getting good. Reeeeeally good, I tell you. I was just in my element mehn! I was having the time of my life. You might be wondering “What’s wrong with this one?” I’ll tell you whats wrong with this one…nothing was wrong, everything was right! Ok, so I was rolling with my cousin and her friends, her really cute friends. One of them asked me to be her school son. I felt like someone had proposed to me. I’m sure married women would roll their eyes and probably laugh. But I’m sure it would be any man’s dream to have girls propose to you, to be their boy friend, though in my own case it was to be their school son, like had used a love potion in my sleep, girls just kept asking me to be their schools son. Do you realize what that means? Free food for lunch breaks, unlimited free hugs from sexy, cute, nice smelling girls, oh please don’t hate me! Then I got cash once in a while, never got punished much by seniors, because their crushes were my school mothers, or friends to my school mothers. Though some seniors still hated my guts O. What can a man do to satisfy the world? My life was getting so preoccupied that I had to make a mental roster for the girls, which one I was meeting on which day and when. I was becoming that popular Js2 kid that all the senior girls liked, I had to start worrying about my looks and how to impress my several school mothers(its serious business O. To whom much is given, much is expected). So my life was rosy, but as you know, all good things either take a downward spiral PR they just spin out of control, if not well managed. I piled up the school mothers until … Well let me just tell you the whole gist. There was a particular school party where I was dancing with one of my “school mothers”, then another one butted in, like guys do when they want to “chance” another guy dancing with a pretty lady, in my case it was a lady that butted in, I guess that makes me the lady. So another girl butted in, I didn’t even know her. I watched my disappointed “school mother” , I was helpless, I mean, if you had a hot girl place her hands around your shoulder, whinning and grinding on you, even you would be speechless. Now, my life would have been perfect if the new girl never came, I mean, I was contented with one hot older babe dancing with me, as my class mates envied like crazy, I didn’t need another hot girl, well, I didn’t really mind, she was soooo hot, and her smell, hmmn-hmmn! Anyways, I was having fun with the new babe, until one SS2 guy, tried to butt in, I didn’t object (l was too young to die, I still am too young to die), so I was about to let go of this sweet and sensual babe( Sensual -I’ve always wanted to use that word) but she shot me that “Dont-you-dare” look, and held on tight to me. The SS2 guy, looked me in the face, and gave me the “Abi-you-wan-die” look, I in turn gave him the “please-have-mercy-I-don’t -want-to-die” look. The babe turned my face towards her, and directed our dance to another part of the floor. I could see at least two of my several school mothers, and from the look on their faces, I knew I would have a lot of questions to answer later in the week. Then another senior came around, the same thing happened, the senior left, and the babe kept dancing with me like I was her man. I was dumb, How could I not know a girl like that was trouble. “What’s your name?” She shouted over the loud music, thumping madly from the speakers. “Ade” I responded. “I’m Mirabel Onanze” you may wonder why she gave me her full names, well for two reasons; one, she wanted me to know who she was, and two, she wanted me to be sure of who she was, pretty much the same thing but, I’ll break it down for you. See there are plenty of Mirabels in school, we have the Book-worm Mirabel, we have the slut Mirabel (explanations not needed), and we have the Hot… Hawwwt… Haaawwwt… And popular Mirabel, well I didn’t meet the latter , or the first. Yeah, you got it, the middle one, the slut Mirabel. Mirabel Onanze! How lucky can a brother be? Well, she looked really hot too, and she had the sex appeal going, even for a young innocent mind like mine. “You are Mirabel Onanze!” I blurted out. Before she could respond or before I could think of a compliment to throw at her, I felt two strong hands on my shoulders, a hand in the back of my trousers, and I was off the ground. The next thing I saw was the ceiling of the hall, and I was moving towards the exit. When we got to the entrance, just before the door, the guys dropped me. I was standing face to face with I.K. the king of all muscle-building, junior-student-killing seniors, I mean, this guys eat Junior students for breakfast! You do not, I repeat, you do not want to cross their part on a Saturday morning, they will rape your dignity and joy for that day. There was a kid that was unlucky enough to meet them on a Saturday morning they were just coming from the basket ball court, they made him follow them to their room and used him as a wrestling rag dull, then used him for a masseuse (he massaged at least ten of them)… then he did their laundry… then he ran errands, he came back late and they beat the crap out of him, then they late him go, after seven hours. So you know exactly what I was dealing with, “What’s your name?” I.K.’s voice was like the voice of someone who had just smoked twelve wraps of weed. “Uhmm- s-s-sir?” I stuttered, before I could compose myself or apologising for not hearing him, or for pretending not to hear him, the back of his huge left hand had come across the left side of my small face, I spun, dazed at the speed of his hand and the pain it inflicted on my face. My two hands were over my face. I let the pain sink in, as my hears were ringing slightly, now I could hardly hear him. “I’m sure your ears are cleaned out now” he said with a wry smile on his face. “So answer my question” He commanded. I could feel the sobs coming, You know those periods that you’re in so much trouble that all that is left to do is cry. I mean, I couldn’t even run! But then I couldn’t cry, because that would be suicide. I had better chances trying to outrun a pack of wolves than escaping those guys. I swallowed hard, telling myself how bad I would look if I started crying. One it was in public, a man can’t cry in public, at a party! Hell to the No. And two, my mouth looks really funny when I’m crying, saw it once in the mirror, you know, like all those american movies where the actor cries in the mirror when he’s broken or something, it always looked so good on them. In my own case,I bursted into laughter, that ish ain’t pretty man. It was so ugly, even I had to laugh, in the midst of tears. So doing it there in front of those guys, that would be the height of ridicule and stupidity. So I took a deep shaky death, burying my sobs, and gave him my name. “Ade” I said , almost inaudibly. If only one of my numerous school mothers could come to my rescue, that’s all I was thinking. “I no hear you nau” I.K was getting impatient… “I go light you another slap O!” He was waving his huge hand on my face. Yeh! If he was going to use his right hand, I was definitely going to pass out. I prepared myself for the worst. “I.K.!” In heard someone call from behind me, I was too terrified to look back. “I.K!” The person called again. “Let the boy go!” Calvary! I turned around and standing there was Mirabel. I was shocked. Why her? People don’t usually step in for juniors who have entered the valley of the shadow of death, especially if its someone like I.K that’s administering the beating. And she did it with so much audacity!
“Wetin be your own?!” I.K. was obviously irritated.
“What did he do to you ,l.K.?” She walked up to him, square in the face, like Gbam! Even I was scared for her.”Mirabel, this is none of your business”. Mirabel didn’t even budge, or blink.
“I am making it my business” she stated. I.k. stood up, towering over her, his eyes intimidating. Mirabel hissed “We both know how this is going to end, I don’t want any trouble. I just want to dance with my school son.” When I heard ‘”school son” I was puzzled. Like, when did we make that arrangement? Funny enough, while I was looking from Mirabel to I.K with a puzzled look, I.K was looking from Me to Mirabel, and back at me, with the same puzzled look. He must have caught the lost expression on my face. He smiled a knowing sinister smile “Mirabel, why are you lying to save this rat?”. It was Mirabel’s turn to get impatient “Ikemufuna Osadebe” she called his full names “….Let the boy go”. There was tension, no one said a word, not even I.K’s boys. He gave me a piercing look, turned his back and left without saying a word. Before I could even think of all the nice things to say to Mirabel, her arms were already around my shoulder, as she led me to the other side of the dance floor where all the drinks were arranged for consumption. She sat me down and looked over my face in the deem light. “Are you alright?” She asked caressing my cheek with her thumb.” Yeah I’m fine” I said nodding like an agama lizard. She smiled “would you like to go for a walk?” She asked me. “Outside?” I asked with a puzzled look on my face, she laughed “Of course ,silly. Outside.” So we held hands and went outside. It was beautiful evening, the sky was clear, allowing the stars glitter in suspense over the heavens. It was a beautiful night to get kissed. For my mind abi?